Nifty Fifty: A Note To The Unborn Vol. 7

Hey Little Man!

It's been a while!

You are currently beating the daylights out of my ribs! At this point in time you're supposed to be simmering down since you're running out of room. But not my little dude. If you're anything like me, which I think you are, you're going to do things at your own pace, in your own style. Clearly, you still want to get rowdy so GET ROWDY! When you groove like that, it lets me know you're OK and eases my  crazy brain. Monday night, your dad woke me up to tell me that you were going coo-coo nutty in my guts. He could feel you pressed up against his back. It was a cute middle-of-the-night moment.

50 days until you're scheduled to be in my lovin' arms. I can't believe it.

We had a party for you on Sunday and now have pretty much everything you need! You are going to love your room! It is officially my favorite room in the house so I hope you don't mind if I camp out in there sometimes. Anyway, all these awesome chicks came out to celebrate you and help Daddy and I get ready for your arrival. Everybody loves you already and can't wait to meet you. And you're going to be one well-read and well-dressed little fella. Uncle John Jackson got you a fedora, just like his! Ha!

It was really amazing to see what everyone did for you, a baby boy they've never met. I can't wait to wrap you up in Aunt Jen May's robot blanket and put you in Aunt Bizzle's Ramones t-shirts and read you all the books Aunt Sherry and Aunt Wendy got you in the glider from Grandma Honey. Aunt Potsie came over last night because she missed your party...she gave me the coolest sparkly blue heart necklace...blue for my baby boy. And Aunt Lisa had a tree planted in your honor at Redwood National Park (which is WAY cooler than the Bob Segar autograph she wanted to get you). I'm so glad all these crazy ladies are going to be a part of your life and am so glad you're a part of mine.

I think I've been doing a better job at remaining calm and stressing less recently. I hope you can feel that in your temporary housing. You have a check-up next week so hopefully all is good and you'll stay put for another 2 weeks...not that I wouldn't love to see you! I just want you to grow as big and strong and awesome as you can before you come into this crazy world. I've waited 230 days already...I can wait 50 more! Maybe!!!

I love you more than you could ever know, my boy.

Love,
Mommy

Stress Levels: A Note To The Unborn Vol. 6

Dear Spencer Monster:

You just let me know that you're awake (a little earlier than usual) by punching me square in the rib. I probably deserve that. I've been really stressed out recently and I know that's probably stressing you out. You don't need any extra stress. Being stuck in that small space while you're trying to grow is enough without taking on any of my garbage. I'm trying to de-stress and deflate, honest.

I'm just physically uncomfortable, which is not AT ALL your fault. It's just the nature of growing a human being in your guts. My back was already in bad shape and I had a few hits against me, like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome on top of sleeping issues. But I'm doing my very best to suck it up and power through.

I guess the emotional stuff is adding to the stress. I'm just so worried about being a good mom to you. You're the MOST important thing I've done in my life and I don't want to be responsible for screwing you up. And I'm worried about you while you're in there, cooking away. About now, you're able to feel pain, and that makes me feel HORRIBLE! I don't want you to feel any pain, EVER. While you're my internal tenant, I should be able to protect you the BEST! Ugh. Am I failing you already??

I shouldn't be venting to you. You're awesome, even when you do punch me in 8 different locations at once. How DO you DO it? Your cousin Matt (who decided he needs to be your Uncle Matt to have more influence in your life) just said it's time for me to pop you out already. Everyone is pumped for your arrival. You are totally loved by all...but no one loves you more than your mommy. Period. And if anyone tried to tell me differently, I'll find a way to punch them in the back of the belly button. I learned that move from someone cool.

Anyway, I just want you to know that I'm doing to best I can out here to do the best for you. I'm kind of learning as I go. Books and websites and other mothers can tell you a lot of things...and I appreciate all those things...but whatever happens for us is what's going to happen. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday and I'm hoping the doc says you and I are doing A-OK!

Feel like having a banana? I'm thinking that you do.

LOVE YOU, MONSTER!

xoxo
Mommy

Slightly Emo: A Note To The Unborn Vol. 5

My dearest and squirmiest Spencer:

I haven't written you a note since we found out you were a boy! Out little man. I'll be honest, having two sisters, I always imagined I'd WANT a girl. But when the ultrasound broad asked if I had any feelings about what you were, I KNEW you were a boy and I couldn't be happier! I knew all along. My special little guy. We've named you Spencer Lee Gansert. Spencer was a name I really liked...I like last names as first names...and Lee is my father's middle name. I think it's a strong name and a cute name, a name that will transition from boy to man. Your daddy and I can't WAIT to meet you...and your arrival is coming so SOON!!!

We (and your big brother) went to two places yesterday and registered for everything we could possibly need to take care of you, entertain you, keep you safe, help you grow. It was an awesome yet draining experience. Again, I'll be honest, I got pretty overwhelmed and very emotional. I haven't really had uncontrollable preggo emotions these 22.5 weeks, give or take a few commercials or songs making me tear up here and there. I've been pretty solid!

But for whatever reason, picking out gifts for you knocked the wind out of me and daddy had to give me some special attention. Screaming or crying, it could've gone either way right there in the middle of the store. But a little snuggle and squeeze, and a raspberry lemonade mellowed me out and we got the job done. You're going to have an AWESOME room, little dude. And I plan to do everything I possible can to give you an awesome life. You have my word on that.

I've learned your routines and am enjoying feeling all your twists-n-turning-n-kicks-n-flips! In fact, you're squirming right now! It doesn't last very long in the morning. I like to think it's you saying "Good Morning, mommy" and then drifting back to sleep. Daddy spends time rubbing my belly and gets to share in feeling you spazz out. We both love it. We both love YOU. I'm starting to "puff up", according to your big brother (who gives you a pat from time to time and says Hello to you), so it's starting to be more evident that you're in there. I love it.

I didn't especially love when daddy called me "fatty". I called him "tubs" in return. And I'm not really loving the return of Round Ligmanet Pain or the stiff back that just appeared yesterday. It's all making me fussy. But believe me, I know how lucky I've been this whole pregnancy. I'm tough. You're tough. We can deal with a little pain here and there, am I right??

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and record a little of what's going on these days as we await your arrival. I hope you're OK in there and that we're doing a decent jog of keeping you comfortable and comforted. It broke my heart when you got the hiccups last week...I wanted to soothe you but didn't know how. Just know we're thinking about you constantly and everyone is dying to meet you. You are WAY loved! For reals. And I'll do my best not to get emo and stress you out.

I love you, baby monster.

Love,
Your Crazy Mommy

Post-Script: A Note To The Unborn Vol. 4

P.S.

Yesterday, you moved twice yesterday and I think that's super rad. I like feeling you squirming about. The first time, I had spontaneously sprawled out on the front room floor , staring at the ceiling. Daddy says you were trying to swim back into into your comfy spot and and were probably like, "WTF!?!". Later in bed, I sneezed while reading a book about what's up with you (and me) right now, and you moved. Daddy claims I woke you up from a nice slumber with my vicious, core-shaking sneeze. Sorry, monster.

The point? I like feeling you wiggle about.

Also, if you're a girl baby, we decided to change your middle name. That should really make no difference to you. It's just a name that I've always liked and wanted to use for a middle name. Now it happens to have more sentimental meaning, especially coinciding with when you're supposed to be born.

We're trying to figure out how to decorate your room. Any suggestions?

Alright, I'm done bugging you for now. I just think you'll want to know these things later in life when you think I don't understand you or I'm out of touch. You'll have all these ramblings and the notes Daddy has been taking. He's a cool guy. He puts his hand on my belly at night because it's always super warm...I hope his hand heating pad helps keep you comfy in there 

:  )

We love you.

Getting To Know You: A Note To The Unborn Vol. 4

My monster:

I realized I haven't talked to you via blogosphere in awhile. Sometimes I feel a little odd talking out loud to you in your squishy water bed. I know you're in there (I've felt you wiggle and heard your heartbeat) but I'm not quite sure what to say. Hence why I've been reading you US Magazine. I skipped an article about Christina Aguleira this week because she isn't going to be on any upcoming play lists I'm making for you. I'll get more comfortable with personalizing the conversation once I know a bit more about who you are.

IN NINE...LONG...DAYS.

Your daddy thinks you're a girl. I thought that at first, too, but now I'm not so sure. When I write here, I think girl, and when I think about you during the day, I think boy. Girl seems to be in the lead as we've asked your many rock-n-roll aunts-n-uncles to place their bets. Aunt Stephanie and Aunt Tricia both say you're a fella but everyone else under the sun says you're a dame. I guess we'll know in nine days...as long as you're not being difficult. Being the product of me and daddy, that's totally possible.

Right now, my goal is just to find out who you are in a gender sense. As far as meeting you? I need a little more time (and YOU need more time...you're like a skinny little sea monkey). I need to get your room ready and stock our life with supplies for you. I need to get Santo and Shelby prepared for you becoming a part of our family. I need to make sure everything is done in a nesting sense so daddy and I can just enjoy you. I'm planning to love every second of my 8 weeks alone with you...even those moments where your can explodes like a volcano!

Anyway, I can't wait to get to know you but here's what I DO know, my stinky onion:

You're letting me know you're hungry, a lot, and I'm trying to keep up. You'll start to get some fat this week which will eventually have everyone pinching your cheeks (mommy is a sucker for baby cheeks). You can hear loud noises which is why I gave your baby house some extra rubbing yesterday...those dogs were being MANIACS and I had to yell at them. Sorry if you were spooked. You're perfecting all your survival relaxes (sucking, swallowing, what have you) and your heart is starting to come into a steady rhythm.

I do LOVE that sound.

So there you have it, Little Monster. I was supposed to get a second round of bloodwork yesterday to check up on you but was thwarted by the snow. As far as I'm concerned, you're doing just GREAT. Everybody is excited to meet you and we'll be having a party just for you some time in July. Knowing all your soon-to-be friends and family, it'll be a great day! And thanks for making this a pretty flipping easy process. I've heard some horror stories from pregnant people and it seems like I got off easy. I appreciate it, my love.

Talk again soon!

LOVE YOU,

Mommy

Potential Pals: A Note To The Unborn Vol. 3

Hello Monster:

As you may know, because I've been reading you US Magazine, a whole mess of "celebrities" are preggo at the same time as me. I'm 100% certain their offspring couldn't possibly measure up to you, even though we haven't been properly introduced yet.  Anyway, for your entertainment, here is the list so you know whose children to feel superior to once you're born:

Alicia Silverstone
Selma Blair
Kate Hudson
Jewel
Victoria Beckham
Marion Cotillard
Natalie Portman
Jennifer Connelly
Jane Krakowski
Pink
Mariah Carey
Christina Applegate

In other news, your future pal Vincent might be born today. Word around social networking is that strange things are afoot. I'm hoping he makes his debut today for two reasons: I'm sure Aunt Stephanie is ready to have her body back AND I predicted weeks ago that he would be born today (your dad and I were married on the 19th so I gravitate towards that date). If he IS born today, I'm buying myself a cupcake and considering a new career involving voo-doo.

And speaking of voo-doo, sort of, I'm going to start crocheting you some toys from the book 'Creepy Cute Crochet'. It'll be something creative for me to do while you and I watch all the TV we've been watching. Dad tried to get a copy for me last night but Boarder's was out. He picked up 'Zombie Felties' instead but they have lots of dangerous parts for you to munch on. So I'll just wait for a copy of the book I wanted and start making you and your future pals, Vincent, Livvie and Evan, some awesome stuff. I'll probably do Robot and Ninja first because I suspect you'll be a lot like me and that's what I'd want.

Sidenote, you better be a girl because you're DOOMED as far as boy baby names go.

Now get back to growing! We'll talk again soon.

xoxo,
Mommy

Happy Holidays: A Note To The Unborn Vol. 2

Merry Christmas, Baby Monster...

I just wanted to apologize for being down-n-out with some sort of cold or flu. I don't think it really affects you or anything but I'd like to be in a good mood while helping you grow. Right now I'm aching and miserable and I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I promise to try and pep up.

So I've learned a few more things about you that are YOU specific and not something I've been informed about by What To Expect. First off, you must be partially happy because you've taken the heartburn down a few notches. I appreciate that, especially while I'm trapped in Sick City. Secondly, you strongly dislike the smell of coffee, coffee breath, and our fireplace once the fire has been put out (the smell lingers in the house and closely resembles the scent of bacon, which is typically lovely).

Despite being repulsed by these aromas, you're still not inflicting morning sickness upon me. Thanks. We are just finishing up the 6th week which is when the cookie tossing can start for many women. Hopefully you and I can just skate through it. Teamwork, baby.

More people know about your impending existence and seem super pumped, especially your Aunt Stephanie and Aunt April. I hope you realize with your tiny developing brain that you're going to be surrounded by the coolest batch of secondary aunts, uncles and cousins around. You're predisposed to awesomeness. Your Uncle John Jackson is going to take some pics of me while you're cooking based off of these, and I'm uber-excited (though this broad got all her clothes donated by American Apparel, yuck, and I'm just me):

Pacing The Panic Room (scroll down a bit for the weekly pics).

Alright, well, it's Christmas Eve and I can't sleep so I think you and I will watch some Conan. I need you to get used to bouncing all over the place when I laugh. I have a HORRIBLE laugh and I laugh A LOT, especially during Conan. Think of it like in utero surfing. Oh, you did get a silly, little X-Mas present from your paternal Grandma. It's really more for us but it's cute because it's another symbol that you will eventually exist.

I also got your dad a Bouncing Souls t-shirt for Christmas and a matching onesie for you. I don't think they'll make it here in time for tomorrow (because some musicians are real jerkfaces) but it'll be a nice surprise for your dad when they arrive. Next Christmas, you'll be here...you'll be 4 months old...and I promise to get you some badass presents. But probably not a lot because will you even really notice?

OK, it's Conan time! Buckle your safety belt!

Love you,

Mommy

Small Criticisms: A Note To The Unborn Vol. 1

Dear Baby Monster:

I know you and I have only been acquainted for like 3 days but this whole "helping you develop into a being that can sustain life outside my body" thing would be A LOT easier if you'd quit giving me heartburn.

I thought I was having heartburn for the last 2 weeks because I'd severely increased my garlic intake but I'm starting to believe it's you that's making me breathe fire. It's going to be a long 35 weeks if I'm constantly trying to rip my esophagus out through my mouth.

But on the flip side, you're not making me toss my cookies so maybe I should just accept the heartburn! Because the letter you're going to get if I start yarfing is going to be way more severe. And I wanted to save our love/hate relationship for when you're a teenager, running wild in the streets.

Your Grandpa (the one that looks like the Pringles man) has an ample supply of Tums in his desk drawer. And your Dad said he'd go buy me some fruity Tums for home tonight. He likes the Spearmint ones. Gross, I know. Try not to hold it against him.

Anyway, there are ways I can combat the heartburn so...I guess don't worry about it. Your neural tube is just developing this week so you probably can't worry yet anyway. Just kick back in your cushy water bed.

Uncle Dan gave me some Goobers so if you like 'em, maybe you can ease up.

Love your guts (even if you don't have any yet),
Mommy