And speaking of my job...
Now is the most important time in Spencer's development and we know he may have some bumps in the road. I work with him every day. We listen to music, read books, exercise, talk, and play. He scored a ton of new toys yesterday to stimulate his senses and motor skills. I know I have to work. I know I can't drop everything. But I also know it's most important for me to be with him, at least for awhile, and make sure he's getting the attention he needs. So I'm asking for decreased hours when I stop by my work tomorrow. I'm nervous about it, like I'm letting people down. But we didn't expect these challenges. I didn't expect him to have 5 sets of doctors and a slew of hurdles, including possible Leukemia. I didn't expect to give birth to the sweetest, coolest little boy on the planet and hear he might have some struggles...I didn't expect to be medicated just to be strong for my son. This wasn't my plan but this is what I have to do. Because if there's anything I can do to make things easier on Spencer, I'll never forgive myself if I don't give it my all.
Everyone keeps saying all of this happened for a reason or God must have a plan for me. I just wish I knew what it is. I wish I could make sense out of everything. I wish I could stop taking "crazy pills" and just be the backbone like I've always been. But most of all, I wish things were just different. But maybe if they were, I'd be raising someone that wasn't Spencer. That's not a gamble I'm willing to take.
I love you. Thank you for Spencer. - Todd