Hating life today. Loving Spencer though.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
After the art show, I went to see They Might Be Giants with my sister. It was an evening that was set up way before Spencer debuted on the scene. She thought for sure that I'd bail because I didn't want to leave him but I went and had a lot of fun. And I got home right in time for his midnight feeding. More Spencer and Mommy bonding time. Hell, he's laying right next to be as I blog this! He's a major part of all aspects of my life. He's my best pal.
In the morning, I found myself packing a bag (and a bag with a breast pump in it), getting ready to celebrate 2 years of marriage at Kalahari. I was in a panic about leaving him. Every time I thought about saying goodbye to him, I was pack in the hospital watching him leave to be transported to Rainbow. Even at Kalahari, Todd said it's so hard to look at pics from our 10 days in the hospital or to think about him going through what he did (and what we did). And I had to remind him that I'm still there. Every week I'm at the Pediatric Hematology/Oncology clinic, living it. But that's another story. When it came down to leaving him this time around...by choice...my mom said to say "see you soon" instead of "goodbye", so that's what I did. I knew he was in good hands.
So to Kalahari we went. It was sooooo laid back and relaxing. We had no agenda. Drinking, eating, hot tub, lazy river, hotel room, whirlpool. We laughed and talked (even named Spencer's hypothetical future sibling), and just tried to unwind. And we did...for the entire first day. By early afternoon the next day, the anxiety set in. I didn't sleep so great and when I did, I had nasty dreams with Spencer in them. I needed to be with him and Todd understood. On the drive home, I couldn't believe how badly I wanted to be with him. Even just to lay on the couch with him, no frills. He's my favorite way to spend the day. Being in a hot tub with my husband of 2 years and a cocktail is swell. Being with Spencer is incredible.
I walked in the door and got him into my arms where he belongs. And I swear he looks bigger, older, makes new facial expressions, etc. That's probably not true but it feels that way. I enjoyed my anniversary overnighter (a tradition we started last year) but I think it'll be a little while before I leave him for that long again. My how life has changed.
For the better, of course!!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
2. He was wiggling and fussing quite a bit while we were laying side by side. As soon as he moved himself close enough to make skin-to-skin contact by touching his head to my arm, he fell right to sleep.
3. When we were reunited in the NICU after 2 days apart, I wanted to move from the right side of his incubator to the left but didn't want him to think I was leaving him. So I talked kept talking so he'd know I wasn't leaving him. He followed my voice and turned his head. He knew my voice from the moment he was born.
4. He farts in his sleep. A lot. And I laugh.
5. When I read to him and use funny voices, he reacts. He seems both excited and interested. I try to read to him every day and luckily, thanks to hisbaunts, he has plenty of books. On the inside of the book we most recently got him, Todd wrote "I loved this book as a kid and I love you as a man".
6. People who don't like babies or have never held babies hold Spencer. He's so sweet and easy going that people feel comfortable handling him. He's a tiny guy, fresh out of the oven, and he has the ability to bring comfort to adults. And seeing people like Aunt Bizzle hold him brings ME comfort.
7. Baby clothes. Period.
8. From birth, Spencer has had three poses. He puts his fist under his chin like The Thinker, he rests his chin on the back of his open hand, very angelically, and he gentally lays one hand on his chest like he's taking pause. As he's grown, he's started putting his arms up like a goal post when he sleeps. And more recently, he started sleeping like me: one leg up in a figure 4 and one arm up above his head like he's disco dancing. Every move is effing adorable and I coo all over him like an annoying mom.
9. He puckers his lips a lot and I always tell him "If you're going to pucker, I'm going to kiss you". Then I plant one right on his lippers.
10. In the rare occasion that he cries for something other than food, I can soothe him.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Yesterday we received more good test results. Just like the frogs, things are only moving forward. He's up to 7 lbs 14 ounces and looking, sounding, and feeling good, just as he should. He's getting super strong and making the doctors happy. I still despise watching him give blood but he handles it. A quick cry and he's over it. And then I do what I do...snuggle him close and kiss him melon. It's good for both of us. The bottom line is that his test results rocked and we now only have to go downtown biweekly!!! I still believe Spencer is kicking ass to make things easier for me. I think he wants me to be happy when I'm with him, not feel bad for him. So I felt proud instead. He's such a good little guy! And yes, he's still getting a treat for being so tuff! Anyway, hopefully things continue on a positive wave and then they'll say he's in "remission" and we'll only go monthly just to keep an eye on things. Then we can just deal with his other needs. That sits just fine with me because if I had to watch him be treated for cancer...it would break me.
So Happy 1 Month to the love of my life. You've made me a better person and I hope I'm doing right by you. Every day that we spend together is better than the one before. You've got such a little personality and I love watching you grow. But maybe you could slow down jusssssst a little. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and have you going off to college. I won't be able to dress you in robot and monster outfits then.
I LOVE YOU!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
But on top of some improvements in health, Spencer did something pretty awesome: he rolled over!!! According to the interwebs, this typically doesn't happen until 2 - 3 months, and that seems to be the trend with the children of my friends. Spencer was 24 days old! He was getting his Tummy Time and FLIP, over he went! It happened several more times yesterday and was caught on video.
I'm not bringing this up to brag. It's a developmental milestone. Due to sone of his issues, we thought these things would be delayed, not happen uber-early. His muscle tone has been in question since birth and he's showing EVERYBODY what he's made of. His doc saw great improvement in his tone on Wednesday afternoon. I guess he just wanted to blow her mind at next week's appointment!
He sure blew our minds. We're proud parents.
He got "Where The Sidewalk Ends" as a treat for being a trooper at the clinic and for blowing minds all over the place. Todd sent me a text saying, "You're doing a good job taking care of Spencer". It was sweet to hear but it's truly my pleasure. He's amazing. And I wonder if he's kicking ass like this to make things easier on me.
All I know is that watching him roll RULES!!!