***

I feel like we're getting the bad news all over again. I feel like it's the morning after Spencer was born and the hits began coming. I thought I was feeling better and things were looking up. And before anyone gets concerned for the wrong reasons, things are still going well with Spencer. Test results are all headed in the right directions. There were just a lot of feelings brought back to the surface during an evaluation he had today. And now 2 more appointments per month have been added to his (and my) schedule. Nothing makes you feel more like a selfish scumbag than crying on your sleeping son's noggin. I haven't cried in awhile and was feeling a champ. This week I cried during my OB follow up and today. I hate even typing this. Do I really want to relive these kind of feelings? Because I'm relatively certain I'll feel better in no time. So why am I saving this for posterity? I don't see how having this for all if eternity will help me.

Hating life today. Loving Spencer though.