Tuesday, September 20, 2011


I had a fun weekend which included leaving my son overnight for the first (and possibly ONLY if I remain so mushy) time. First, Spencer and I went to the opening reception of the art show at my mom's work. He was a star that evening. Everyone just went crazy over him...and his $9 sweater from H&M bought special for the occasion. When Todd came to take our little boo home, it was hard to let him go. How was I going to leave him overnight if I couldn't part with him for a few measly hours??? Man, life has changed. I was walking around and looking at art (I bought a picture called WIGS) with a bottle of breast milk in my pocket instead of a flask!

After the art show, I went to see They Might Be Giants with my sister. It was an evening that was set up way before Spencer debuted on the scene. She thought for sure that I'd bail because I didn't want to leave him but I went and had a lot of fun. And I got home right in time for his midnight feeding. More Spencer and Mommy bonding time. Hell, he's laying right next to be as I blog this! He's a major part of all aspects of my life. He's my best pal.

In the morning, I found myself packing a bag (and a bag with a breast pump in it), getting ready to celebrate 2 years of marriage at Kalahari. I was in a panic about leaving him. Every time I thought about saying goodbye to him, I was pack in the hospital watching him leave to be transported to Rainbow. Even at Kalahari, Todd said it's so hard to look at pics from our 10 days in the hospital or to think about him going through what he did (and what we did). And I had to remind him that I'm still there. Every week I'm at the Pediatric Hematology/Oncology clinic, living it. But that's another story. When it came down to leaving him this time around...by choice...my mom said to say "see you soon" instead of "goodbye", so that's what I did. I knew he was in good hands.

So to Kalahari we went. It was sooooo laid back and relaxing. We had no agenda. Drinking, eating, hot tub, lazy river, hotel room, whirlpool. We laughed and talked (even named Spencer's hypothetical future sibling), and just tried to unwind. And we did...for the entire first day. By early afternoon the next day, the anxiety set in. I didn't sleep so great and when I did, I had nasty dreams with Spencer in them. I needed to be with him and Todd understood. On the drive home, I couldn't believe how badly I wanted to be with him. Even just to lay on the couch with him, no frills. He's my favorite way to spend the day. Being in a hot tub with my husband of 2 years and a cocktail is swell. Being with Spencer is incredible.

I walked in the door and got him into my arms where he belongs. And I swear he looks bigger, older, makes new facial expressions, etc. That's probably not true but it feels that way. I enjoyed my anniversary overnighter (a tradition we started last year) but I think it'll be a little while before I leave him for that long again. My how life has changed.

For the better, of course!!


  1. I thought Pickle's first overnight would be a piece of cake and great relief for us. But, I didn't sleep right and I kept thinking about him, calling Grandma every 2 hours. Even when you're baby is away, he is still with you. There's a big change to the tone of your blogs 6 weeks ago vs. the last couple of posts. You guys have really come a long way (physically, emotionally, etc.) and it shows. :-)

  2. I'm feeling a litte better every day. If I keep crying or being upset, I'm going to miss the awesome parts of his life. He's like a pain killer. Some spiritual lady my aunt sees said that Spencer chose us to be his parents and that he was working hard in the hospital because he wanted to go home with us so badly. If he can work hard, so can I.