Sunday, August 28, 2011


I wish I had even 1% of the strength Spencer has. He is the strongest person I know. How did he get stuck with such a weakling for a mother? How am I going to toughen up for him? All I know right now is that holding him on my shoulder or kissing his cheek makes the pain temporarily stop. I can't hold him on my should and smell his hair for the rest of my life. Can I? I want to wake up from this nightmare. And I want Spencer to be there...and to be OK.

Friday, August 19, 2011


Blogging is going to be fewer and farther between, but this isn't the end. Spencer is a special little guy who needs some extra love and attention right now. For only being 10 days old, he's been through the ringer. And so have we. I'd rather stare at his perfect peach head, smooch his cheeks-for-weeks, and just hang out with him and my husband than blather anyway. But this isn't the end. It's just time to press pause until some pain subsides and I learn how to handle the enormous outpouring of love I'm feeling from all directions. Maybe my chatter is confusing you but all you really need to know is that I love my son and choose him over anything and anyone in the world.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Hell On Earth: Update #1

No time to be cute of clever. Monday was the best day of our lives and Tuesday was the worst. While things have improved, Spencer has a ways to up before he can come home to Grayskull. Our hearts are just broken and our minds are exhausted. At least I'm getting discharged today and can sleep with Spencer at hospital #2. I know Todd, my dad, my sister, and various family members have been with him but he needs his mommy. He's the sweetest little boy and I haven't seen or touched him since 2:00 on Tuesday. I took holding him for granted, thinking I'd have every day of forever to do it. And now he's unwell and I'm not there! He has a blanket I cuddled with to get my scent on and a stuffed frog from my aunt because FROGS CAN ONLY MOVE FORWARD.

Just like the love of my life.

I love you, Spencer, and we'll be together soon.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

8/8/11: Welcome To The World, Spencer Lee Fonzarelli

After an emergency C-section, he's here. Our son. Spencer Lee Fonzarelli Gansert. He's a tiny little thing weighing in at 6 lbs. 1 ounce and he's a 20 inch string bean!!! As far as I can tell, he's got Todd's nose and my eyes, mouth, and chin. He has light brown hair and the most awesome fingers and toes. Yeah, I'm an addict!!! As soon as they pulled him out, we both cried and had a moment. It was the best feeling in the world!

There's a lot of story and it's good stuff...that'll have to wait!


Friday, August 5, 2011

Making Progress: Dilation, Effacement, and Me

SO MUCH to blather at you about that restless bun that's been in my oven for 38 weeks!

Let's get the technical mumbo jumbo out of the way because it's EXCITING but not EXCITING. Spencer is still pretty much the size of a mini-watermelon but he's stretched from a swiss chard to the length of a leek...from a vegetable I'm not familiar with to a vegetable I'm not a fan of. "Can't wait to sneak a peak at my lil leek" - Todd. Regardless, I'm guessing I've got a lengthy little man in there because he's wedged up under my ribs while simultaneously using my bladder as a pillow. He's ALL OVER in there that I think he may be part octopus.
As for the specifics of being 38 weeks along, there's really not much to tell. The clock is winding down. He's still secreting that gunk that prevents his lungs from sticking together when he begins to breathe, he's layering on the fat, and his brain is continuing to develop it's Ivy League potential. And that's about it in that department! He's just prepping for his big debut!

As for moi, I could be leaking breast milk, but I'm not. I could have swollen feet and ankles, but I don't. No stretch marks, no itchy abdomen, no dark black tummy line, no sign of the mucous plug (ew). I AM really bouncing from hyper active to totally drained. Trying to use my spurts of energy to get last minute projects done. Contractions put a damper on that though. Yeeouch! I shed a few tear droplets the other day (haven't had many emotions while preggo) because I was in pain and frustrated but Todd rubbed the bump and made me feel a little better. It's good to have a partner in all this.

So here's my 38 week mug shot and shot of my mug, for posterity.

So I had my weekly doctor's appointment yesterday (but almost DIDN'T due to my doc ducking out to deliver a baby) and was totally ready to hear that I had made zero progress as certain people are convinced that I'm going to be late. My BP was still good (which I'm jazzed about because I've been having some headaches) and his heart beat was 142. Again, he gave the nurse a hard time and insisted on wriggling while she was using the Doppler. My little troublemaker. My weight remained the same and when she measured my fundal height, she said I was a little under but that it was alright. If she's not nervous, I'm not.

Like I said, I was honestly ready to hear that my cervix was like a steel trap and we'd just have to wait until next week for any developments. Shockingly, this was not the case! During my exam, she discovered I was 2 cm (1 and a wiggle, but she's counting it) and I'm 50% effaced. ROCK! Effacement is really what you want. Yes, they sort of go hand-in-hand (10 cm and 100% = baby) but you can only dilate SO FAR without being effaced. They can make you dilate but they can't thin you out! So I'm in a really good place and the doc said it truly can be any day.

The nurse said I might not even make it to my appointment next Wednesday!

The Godmother: Excellent. I think your body is ready to get him on outta there. I want to poke at him. Nicely of course. Rest up and efface!

Like always, I need to make notes of my contractions and call when I have them every 5 minutes for an hour. I was also told that if I am leaking any fluid to call right away, contractions or not. For the first time, I was spotting a little. I was told this could happen after a vaginal exam this late in the game but it was still scary to see. It didn't last long and now I'm back to feeling like me. All anxious and excited. It truly COULD be any time now. EEK! So tonight, we get the car seat and my bag in the car and stock the freezer and cupboard. This could possibly be the LAST WEEKLY UPDATE (if I get my way)!!!

My fortune cookie seems to think so!