I wish I had even 1% of the strength Spencer has. He is the strongest person I know. How did he get stuck with such a weakling for a mother? How am I going to toughen up for him? All I know right now is that holding him on my shoulder or kissing his cheek makes the pain temporarily stop. I can't hold him on my should and smell his hair for the rest of my life. Can I? I want to wake up from this nightmare. And I want Spencer to be there...and to be OK.