Dear Spencer Lee: volume one.

Dear Spencer Lee:

I wrote you a bunch of letters while you were growing in my guts but haven't written one since you made your debut into the world. I guess I never thought to jot down a message for you to read in the future because I'm ALWAYS talking your ears off. All day, all night, yack yack yack. You pretty much know everything I think about everything. You're my best friends. But you already know that.

At 3:53pm today, you will be 4 months old. It's so exciting and so sad at the same time. I love watching you grow and seeing how much personality you have (with me and Daddy as your parents, you were destined to ooze personality). But you're not my tiny little peanut anymore. You're a strong, big boy (if you can call 12.3 pounds and 24.2 inches BIG). I love what a goofball you are and I love that I can make you smile and laugh. Actually, I love everything about you and having you in my life...I even love changing your diapers!

I just love you. Period.

4 months ago, you came into my life and everything changed. I just wish that you didn't have to go through some of the things you're going through or might go through as you get older. But I can't think about that. I need to relish every moment or whatching you grow. I'm not ready for you to be older! Will everything that happened when you were born, and the fact that they took you away from me and to another hospital, I feel like I missed some things. I feel like I was robbed of those wonderful early moments with my baby boy. But we've made up for it!! I'm so glad that we have such a strong bond. It's the most important thing in the world to me.

I think you are so strong. It has seemed from the moment that you were born, you were trying to be strong for me. You worked so hard to show what you could do and what you could overcome. You blew my mind immediately and continue to every day. There's a plan for you that's bigger than I can comprehend. I really believe that you are going to be something special. I'm so thankful that I get to be a part of whatever you turn out to be. I just hope I'm doing right by you. I'm trying so hard to be the best mom for you, and I hope you can sense that. I love you. Have never loved anything or anyone like this. I wish I could protect you from...everything. But I don't think you need to much protecting. You want to see the world. You want to do everything, anything. I think you want to make me happy and you do. You have no idea and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you understand how much you mean to me.

Happy 4 months, love of my life. I've got a snuggle with your name on it.

Now my heart is full.
Now my heart is full.
And I just can't explain.
So I won't even try to.

Love to the moon and back,
Mommy