***

On Thursday, I got a night out on the town. It's not like I'd been craving one at all. Having Spencer hasn't help me back from doing things I've wanted to like hanging with friends, eating out, shopping, etc. Hell, he's even been to Dave and Buster's! But I was looking forward to kicking back with my co-workers and pals after our company Christmas party. Being at PJ McINtyre's felt like old times when Todd and I would have our Thursday date nights.

But when I got home, a photo book I made for my parents of Spencer's best pictures up until now had arrived. And those first 5 or 6 pages of pictures from the NICU and Step Down...which my poor guys covered in leads and wires and tubes and monitors...it brought me back to the beginning and I CRIIIIIIED and CRIIIIIIIED. Sobbed. Alcohol and pictures of your sweet baby boy at a time in his life when every single odd was stacked against him was just to much to take. And stitches in my heart went POP POP POP.

But the whole thing made me realize something. While being out and about is great fun, I'd rather hang with Spencer than do anything else. Period. You could tempt me with any crazy adventure and the simple fact is that I'd rather lay on the floor and goof off with my son. It's good for the heart. And like I've said, he's NEVER held me back, only pushed me forward. Where I go, he goes, and if he can't go, I don't want to go. Simple as that. And I've exposed him to as much as I (safely) can and will continue to do so. I get to relive my childhood through him and it's amazing.

That's why this holiday season has been unlike any before. I've been a grinch for the last 10 years but not now. Todd is participating and we've started new traditions and I love Spencer being a part of all this. Maybe he doesn't realize what gifts he's gotten or what's going on but he will when he's older. Thanks to being a picture junkie, everything is well documented. One day, he'll look at the photos and I can tell him how awesome his 1st Christmas was and how it was one of the best times of my life.

Then he'll probably tell me I'm being embarrassing and to stop smooching him.

But I never will.

Happy Holiday y'all.