Dear Spencer Monster:
You just let me know that you're awake (a little earlier than usual) by punching me square in the rib. I probably deserve that. I've been really stressed out recently and I know that's probably stressing you out. You don't need any extra stress. Being stuck in that small space while you're trying to grow is enough without taking on any of my garbage. I'm trying to de-stress and deflate, honest.
I'm just physically uncomfortable, which is not AT ALL your fault. It's just the nature of growing a human being in your guts. My back was already in bad shape and I had a few hits against me, like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome on top of sleeping issues. But I'm doing my very best to suck it up and power through.
I guess the emotional stuff is adding to the stress. I'm just so worried about being a good mom to you. You're the MOST important thing I've done in my life and I don't want to be responsible for screwing you up. And I'm worried about you while you're in there, cooking away. About now, you're able to feel pain, and that makes me feel HORRIBLE! I don't want you to feel any pain, EVER. While you're my internal tenant, I should be able to protect you the BEST! Ugh. Am I failing you already??
I shouldn't be venting to you. You're awesome, even when you do punch me in 8 different locations at once. How DO you DO it? Your cousin Matt (who decided he needs to be your Uncle Matt to have more influence in your life) just said it's time for me to pop you out already. Everyone is pumped for your arrival. You are totally loved by all...but no one loves you more than your mommy. Period. And if anyone tried to tell me differently, I'll find a way to punch them in the back of the belly button. I learned that move from someone cool.
Anyway, I just want you to know that I'm doing to best I can out here to do the best for you. I'm kind of learning as I go. Books and websites and other mothers can tell you a lot of things...and I appreciate all those things...but whatever happens for us is what's going to happen. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday and I'm hoping the doc says you and I are doing A-OK!
Feel like having a banana? I'm thinking that you do.
LOVE YOU, MONSTER!
xoxo
Mommy
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