Sunday, December 26, 2010

Mini-Milestone: Making It Halfway Through the First Trimester.

Until John Jackson and I start our pregnancy photo project (P3), I'm not taking anymore pictures of my expanding self. Because in all actuality, I haven't grown, I haven't expanded. But man, am I bloated! And pictures of a bloated tummy, even if you use the word "tummy", are NOT cute. And the fact that I have a mammoth somehow looks like a monster took a chunk out of me. I can't explain. Hopefully John Jackson can capture some shots that look less creepy.

But hey, you can't escape "creepy" when this is what's happening on the inside:

And the little monster is actually the size of this (time for your weekly food shot):

Let it be known that those are NOT my man hands. Also let it be know that at this point in time, the little beast in my oven has started to sprout webbed fingers and toes, the neural tube has closed and the forebrain and midbrain are kicking in good, because it's going to need a scholarship to go to college), and there are 2 black spots on each side of the head which will eventually become eyes. All the websites and books say the thing is starting to look more human. I think it's starting to look more Splice-like.

Yesterday we announced the pregnancy on Facebook and hey, that's what truly makes it official, right? All day, happy and shocked pals left comments regarding the baby monster and that kept me entertained during X-Mas. Because I don't know what will happen to Facebook in the future (remember Friendster or MySpace? Yeah, me neither), I better record some of my favorite reactions to a bun in my oven for posterity:

Aunt Firecracker: What's the big deal, everyone bakes at Christmas time....OH! THAT oven!!! Congratulations :). I love you guys :)

Uncle Texas Ben/The Drink: Wow! Lacey, I can't tell you how happy I am for you both. I was just telling Lisa the other day what a wonderful mother I thought you were going to be.

Aunt Windy: OMG!!!!!!!! Yay!!!! Can I uncross my labia now? Congratulations you guys! I am sooooo freaking happy for you. Best news ever.

Uncle Pat May: Rock a bye, baby, don't you leak. Bender wants to drink for at least a week.

Uncle Texas Pete: Good job. I'm very happy for you both. When he or she is old enough (you know, 2 or 3) send him/her over to mow my grass.

Uncle Alex Murder: Somehow I knew that already, because you are my twin. haha! Congratulations to you & Todd...that's awesome! Have a Merry Christmas!

Aunt Stephanie: Best Christmas News Evah! I already predict that your baby shower will be THE event of 2011. Next to baby monster's launching in August, of course.

Uncle Brett: Geez... everybody's awfully excited. I'm cooking two hams in my oven today, and nobody threw me a parade.

Godmother/Aunt Tessa: Bring on my godchild!! I love you my oldest friend. You are going to be a wonderful mom.

Uncle Rocko: holy motherfucking dogshit. congrats!

Phoebe did the Snoopy dance, Sharon D. deafened me with her screams, and plenty of people sent personal messages with lots of high fives and thumbs up, not to mention advice. They may think it's unsolicited or unappreciated but believe me, I've been waiting for this for a long time. I'll take ANY and ALL of the advice I can get. I'm so lucky to know so many cool Monster Moms...Little Jen, Jen May, Stephanie, April, and so on. They're the coolest chicks in my book so I need to know what they know. STAT!

So Christmas was pretty entertaining as far as the baby monster being (cyber) unleashed on the world. And he/she/it rustled up some Christmas Day Swag! Our first baby clothes!!!  Since the baby currently has no junk, everything is neutral though I don't see why you can't get pink shtuff. We've all heard "A Boy Named Sue", am I right? Still, the clothes are uber-cute and hanging in baby's closet, waiting:

And the monster also scored "Baby's First Tattoo" which is a baby book that's right up our ally. It includes such gems as "Name of the HMO Who Kicked Mom Out Of The Hospital After 24 Hours", "Restaurants We Are No Longer Allowed To Eat In" and "Baby's First Inappropriate Website". I look forward to recording every embarrassing detail. That's what I do!

So I might not have anything to blather about for awhile. The whole world knows that I've become a host to an alien-being. My body isn't really changing too much at the moment (besides a stretching uterus that is pressing on my bladder at all times of the day). Our first doctor's appointment isn't for 2 more week. I can't see too many mind-blowing things happening at this moment. But what do I know? Every day is an adventure.

I just wish it was 1/11/11 already < - - - how creepy is THAT?!?!?

Merry X-Mas, y'all.

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