Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Analyzing Semen: Why I'm Glad To Not Be a Medical Professional.

It's really not my place to talk about this. But I married these sperm, til death to us part. So while this part might not be as juicy and graphic as when I gush about my own glorious junk, it'll still get the point across. I mean, the fact that sperm count and motility needed to be checked out should be common sense.

As my doc (basically) said, why take fertility meds if he has loser sperm?

I consider these to be "loser sperm". Try and tell me otherwise.

So now my husband has a doctor to be poked and prodded by: a urologist. It's this dude's job to give his fellas the stamp of approval. He returns home from his initial exam with a plastic cup and a reason to *insert your favorite slang for masturbate here*. But even this isn't as fun as it sounds/should be. Once the cup is, um, full, he has 30 minutes to get it from our house to the hospital...which is 23 minutes away...during morning rush hour. And the cup-o-stuff has to be kept nice and toasty. Without running over any school children waiting for their morning bus, he makes it.

And the wait for results begins.

And we get the results.

And they're dumb.

This is a major set-back. If I might not be ovulating and his stuff isn't top-notch, well, we're just the poster people for fertility failures. And my doc can't/won't give me any fertility aids whatsoever until all is good on the spermy front because why put me through possibly rough side affects (I'd rather not have fluid build up around my heart if I can help it) if the chances are slim?

But his doctor believes he knows why the results were what they were, or he at least thinks the results were a fluke. So the doc prescribes 10 days of meds, a week of "resting up the troops" and a re-test. Basically, it's Groundhog's Day except this day, the results are fan-flipping-tastic! There's a cup full of strong swimmers hanging out in the lab. Both of our docs give us encouraging thumbs up. Way to go, sperm!

So now we've completed the 3 tasks we were assigned. My blood work was clean enough (whether I was ovulating or not...there's really no way to say for sure), my internal bIts-n-pieces were wide open and inviting, and his stuff was solid and strong. My doc said it was up to me whether I wanted to come into her office or discuss our next step towards making a monster over the phone.

I decided to...

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