Saturday, July 30, 2011

Positively Overwhelmed: Starting To Feel Like a Parent

"You're doing a good job growing my son" - Todd

I can't sleep. My bladder and my dream factory have woken me up several times and now I'm just...up. I'm getting more and more anxious. Our countdown to the due date is officially in the teens now (19 to be exact). It's all tangible and the excitement is overwhelming. That moment when you KNOW it's time is like the last major, genuine surprise you get in life. And that surprise could happen to us any day.

I wonder what he'll look like. We both have (naturally) medium brown hair, hazel eyes, and freckles. We're both tall. I have sleepy eyes and full lips. Todd has long eyelashes and a small beak. In the ultrasound pictures, he clearly had my jaw/chin and Todd's nose, and they could already tell he had hair at 18 weeks. I have a feeling he'll have lots of hair, not sure why...probably the heartburn. My stepson doesn't look ANYTHING like my husband. Not one bit. So I'm super interested to see some of him in our son.

Our son...who just woke up and is playing ribcage xylophone.

I love him so much that I'm on the fence about wanting him here so we can be a family and keeping him in there where I can protect him and keep him safe. Once he's out, he's exposed to the harshness of this world. Horrible things happen, kids are cruel, there's emotional pain. Is this what being a parent is like? Pure panic?? Todd and I love each other and are totally in love with Spencer, which I have to believe is the most important thing. And there's a huge support system of family and pals (all his rock-n-roll aunts and uncles) that will help mold him into a strong individual, providing him with all the love he needs. He's a lucky boy.

But Todd and I are far luckier. The luckiest.


  1. i love this. made me tear up a smidge.

  2. Pure panic? Nah... It's like 95% panic, but the 5% awesomeness is more than enough to mellow it all out and make it super-cool. Kind of like a single ice-cube in fat glass of scotch. Yup, that's how I think of parenthood.