***

Spencer was baptized on Monday. He was such a stunner in the little white suit his god-mommy got him. When the priest held him up and introduced him as the newest member of the church to our families, I almost cried. So many people love him so much, no one more than me. He blows my mind every day with the little person he's becoming and the things he does. I believe he's going to impress people with the direction his development is going in. I'm going to bust my ass to help him become the best person he can be. Pushing him, pushing myself, pushing everyone I can to help him...that's my job as his Mommy.

And speaking of my job...

Now is the most important time in Spencer's development and we know he may have some bumps in the road. I work with him every day. We listen to music, read books, exercise, talk, and play. He scored a ton of new toys yesterday to stimulate his senses and motor skills. I know I have to work. I know I can't drop everything. But I also know it's most important for me to be with him, at least for awhile, and make sure he's getting the attention he needs. So I'm asking for decreased hours when I stop by my work tomorrow. I'm nervous about it, like I'm letting people down. But we didn't expect these challenges. I didn't expect him to have 5 sets of doctors and a slew of hurdles, including possible Leukemia. I didn't expect to give birth to the sweetest, coolest little boy on the planet and hear he might have some struggles...I didn't expect to be medicated just to be strong for my son. This wasn't my plan but this is what I have to do. Because if there's anything I can do to make things easier on Spencer, I'll never forgive myself if I don't give it my all.

Everyone keeps saying all of this happened for a reason or God must have a plan for me. I just wish I knew what it is. I wish I could make sense out of everything. I wish I could stop taking "crazy pills" and just be the backbone like I've always been. But most of all, I wish things were just different. But maybe if they were, I'd be raising someone that wasn't Spencer. That's not a gamble I'm willing to take.

I love you. Thank you for Spencer. - Todd

***

I'm packing up all of Spencer's newborn jammies. My little dude isn't a 6 pound 1 ounce newborn anymore. He's an awesome, thriving, growing little guy...with quite the sense of fashion, I must say. It is so hard to believe he'll be 2 months old on Saturday. Todd and I ate going to soak up the good weekend weather and do something fun with our guy. Our big boy, who will hopefully be dubbed in "remission" tomorrow afternoon. So into the bin you go, little jammies. Hopefully we'll see you again on another Baby Gansert some day.

At this moment, life is good. Living moment to moment is my new thing. It's the easiest way to go. Now if you'll excuse me, Spencer and I have a date to read The Family Fang. That will no doubt be a slew of good moments.